Friday, November 26, 2010

Black Friday! ...

It's crazy ... folks gettin' up outta bed long before the chickens rise ... goin' out in the often windy and cold darkness just to stand in some long, endless line waitin' for some store to open its doors so they can trample each other in the frenzied stampede to rush inside and spend their hard-earned money on all those two-dollar, discount gadgets that they would never consider buying at any other time of the year ... it's crazy ... it's the dreaded "BLACK FRIDAY" ... oh I've been there and done that ... and if you must, may I suggest full body armor or riot gear as your attire of choice!

Long before it was called Black Friday, some folks were behaving themselves as if it were ... there was this big sale of momentous implications down at the General Store ... the advertised, featured draws were "purchase 2 cans of Odens Classic Original Snuff, get 1 can free" and "30% off each poke of 'Treat Yourself To The Best' Mail Pouch Chewing Tobacco" ... well, quite a few shoppers eager to take advantage of this "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity" had already begun to gather at the door in anticipation of the unusually early store opening time of 9:00 AM ...and just like the Black Fridays of today, everybody wanted to get through that door first before supplies vanished from the shelves ... particularly Lester DooLittle what was there for the Mail Pouch Chewing Tobacco, while Grandma DooLittle what was there for the Odens Classic Snuff, both of whom had arrived at the store at essentially the same time ... Lester actually stepped up onto the porch first with Grandma right at his heels, however he immediately ambled over to where Uncle Virgil Hunnicutt and Grandpa DooLittle were engaged in a heated game of checkers and began to watch as Grandma hurried directly to the door so as to be the first inside.

Now I don't believe that I've ever mentioned this here feller by name before, but when the storekeeper, Miry Clay was his name, began to turn the key in that rusty doorlock, everybody straightaway rushed forward so as to get inside when the door swung open ... along with Lester DooLittle, who forthwith came flyin' over and rudely cut right in front of Grandma DooLittle ... well Grandma wasn't havin' none of that ... she grabbed Lester by the earlobe and painfully yanked the execrable juvenile out of her way, at which he whirled around and demanded that she immediately release his suddenly smarting auditory receptor ... "you better git outta my way Lester DooLittle, I was here first ... I need to git in there and git my snuff 'fore it's all gone!" Grandma DooLittle determinedly demanded ... "I was first on the porch ... and I need to git in there and git my Mail Pouch Chewin' Tobacco!" Lester defiantly declared, he then again attempted to proceed through the door ahead of Grandma ... this time however, Grandma DooLittle hooked the crook of her hickory walking cane around Lester's neck and jerked so hard that it nearly turned his Adam's apple into applesauce as he landed firmly on his behind on the wooden porch ... with a look of startled disbelief on his scruffy face Lester sprung to his feet, and began an obnoxious line of verbal sass a mile long toward Grandma DooLittle "and furthermore, you're my kin and all, I do respect that, along with the fact that you're old as the hills ... but I'm a gonna go through that there doorway first ... one way, or the other!" he spewed, as he once again stepped in front of Grandma, at which she again utilized her trusty cane, only this time she brought it down squarely on top Lester's head with a loud crack! ... ol' Lester went down like a sack o' taters, knocked out colder than a late November cucumber ... as Grandma started to step over Lester's sprawled carcass Miry Clay the storekeeper blocked her path "hold on there folks, I need to git this here feller inside and make sure he's okay before I can let anybody else in" at which Miry Clay drug Lester DooLittle's apparently exanimate body inside the store and broke a vial of smellin' salts underneath his gaping nostrils ... Lester stirred a bit, shook his head then opened his squinty, crossed eyes "where am I ... what happened?" he begged ... Miry Clay informed the dizzy boy that he'd been struck in the head with a hickory stick, and that he was now inside the General Store ... Lester rolled over onto all fours, grabbed hold of the store's wooden counter and slowly pulled himself to his feet as Miry Clay again unlocked the door to allow the waiting customers to enter, especially Grandma DooLittle ... Lester reached over the counter and retrieved about half-a-dozen boxes of the 30% off Mail Pouch Chewing Tobacco just as Grandma DooLittle passed by with a smirk on her wrinkled face and a glare in her gleaming eyes he proudly exclaimed "see there ol' woman ... I told you I was gonna go through that there doorway first ... one way, or the other!"

--sja Share/Bookmark


Mom's Me Time said...

thanks for the laugh!....amy @

Just this... Alice said...

This is so like stories my dad used to tell me about some of our kinfolks. Thanks for posting good clean entertainment on the internet with your stories.

Anonymous said...

Mom's Me Time & Just this... Alice, you're both very welcome ... glad you enjoy the stories, thank you!

BOB said...

Well, I was laid up with the vapors and missed Black Friday ... but the signs were still out last night, as were the discounts still on!

Spent $160 so that I could save %85 ... I asked the sales clerk how Black Friday had gone ... got a 10 minute blow by blow description ... but not as you would think ... seems it was a party to which nobody got their invitations. The 10 minutes was mostly spent explaining that Black Friday was never a big event with them ... like Hamlet's mama said, the lady protested a bit too much, methought!

Dealing with them folks wasn't exactly a user friendly experience ... what should have been at most a 15 minute stop turned into a one hour misadventure. I bought three things, a sweater for my sister who was with me ... $70 marked down on special for Black Friday to $25. Plus, a $160 two piece outfit at 25% off ... meaning I supposedly got $230 of stuff for $145 before tax.

First they had to put the stuff on two sales tickets 'cause of the special sale price of the sweater ... said it was because of their computer.

Suggesting they trade it in on an abacus, wasn't well received ...

It took forever, but she finally got it did ... unfortunately, baby sister found that same sweater in a different color that she liked better ... no problem!

Well, the computer showed we had purchased the red sweater and this one was black ... it was explained in great detail that it would mess up their inventory records, and no, manually indicating the change on their paper records just wouldn't do.

That it would probably be a mite better than upsetting the customer what was spending the money, and possibly losing both sale and customer ... evidently wasn't covered by the instructions that came with the computer.

The transaction had to be reversed, with my account receiving credit for the "returned" item, my copy of the transaction destroyed, ... and a new one generated!

A large, well established store ... part of a national chain ... in the hour we were there, they had one other customer.

They were nice, well intending folks with good intentions but their computer was an evil bully holding the hostage, methinks!

11 cars were in the parking area ... two were for customers. Even it the computer had its own, that would leave eight ... whole lot of overhead going on.

Anonymous said...

Bob, if you think your Black Friday experience was bad, I'll tell you about my 50% off hat ordeal at Kmart!

Robyn Campbell said...

Thanks for the giggle. I DON'T DO Black Friday. I value my life too much. :) Found you from Blogfrog. :) Come visit me some time.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for stopping by Robyn Campbell ... you have a great looking blog!

PJ said...

Howdy there SJA! Loved your Black Friday Story. I stayed home while hubby went with his sister to Walmarts Black Friday sale. He said all in all it wasn't bad, but he did run into a problem when he decided he had to take a nature call. Nobody would let him through! LOL! Now he knows how I feel when he makes me "wait" haha! Anyway, they left our house at 3:am, got to the store about 3:30 (we live about 30 to35 miles any direction to a town big enough to shop in. Anyway, they got there in iime to stand in line for a while (the electronics didn't go on sale until 5:am (they went to get their mom and dad TVs. He said once they let people in for the electronics at 5:am, they pretty much were in and out. They even went for breakfast and were home before 7:30. I'm still glad I got to stay home.

By the way, I noticed you stopped by earlier. I'm a late blogger. I usually wait until after I get suppper finished and stuff before I do my blog. Here's hoping you had a FANTASTIC Thanksgiving. God Bless,

Anonymous said...

Thank you PJ ... it sounds like your husband had a pretty good time ... it would kill me though, I'm just not an early morning person!

BOB said...


Now my sister hates me ... I was thinking about a new post and asked her who of the 20th Century had the greatest influence on good folks to unite them against evil ... she said Billy Graham.

I said Adolf Hitler.

She didn't speak to me for two days!

I told you I would likely be starting WWIII ... but I meant in Ye Olde Barbershop, not at home.

Anonymous said...

Well Bob, if one considers your question carefully, then your answer just might be right!