Friday, November 12, 2010
Heads Nor Tails! ...
They was these two good ol' boys ... neither of which were adequately sophisticated nor distinctly overladen with savoir-faire ... if they was knives and you opened the knife drawer, it would become immediately evident that neither were sharp enough to trim the fat from off a chilled ham ... however, one of them boys was a might keener than the other ... more precisely, Lamar Beefeater, well-known, backyard inventor and amateur, time traveler ... he sported a couple more functional brain cells than his close friend Luther DooLittle ... thus Lamar was able to "get over" on Luther almost at will ... and one of Lamar's favorite, time-tested ways of accomplishing that elementary feat was by the use of his lucky, three-legged Buffalo, Indian Head nickel ... nearly every time Lamar and Luther had a dispute or difference of opinion, or needed to decide a matter in a civil and dignified manner, it was achieved through a coin toss ... and since Luther DooLittle had been habitually penniless since birth, anytime an issue required settling, Lamar Beefeater would conveniently produce his three-legged Buffalo, Indian Head nickel that he always carried in his front britches pocket ... and them there boys would execute a coin toss ... of course, considering the unfortunate fact that it was always Lamar what furnished the coin and done the flippin' ... he would give Luther the honor of "callin' it in the air" ... Lamar would take that worn down nickel, skillfully flip it high into the air then scandalously proclaim "heads I win, tails you lose Luther DooLittle!" ... Luther DooLittle was none the wiser ... losing each time ... he figured it to be nothing more than a relentless curse of indigenous hard luck.
One clement afternoon, Lamar and Luther was lazily walkin' up the street with no particular purpose or destination in mind ... as they shuffled around the corner the aimless pair encountered the ever-lovely Miss Millie MayWeather approaching from the opposite direction ... and smellin' like a honeysuckle thicket on a breezy, summer morn ... now Miss Millie MayWeather was hands-down the most beauteous and desirable young lady ever to grace those parts for as long as even ancient folk such as Grandpa DooLittle or the renowned centenarian Uncle Virgil Hunnicutt could reasonably remember ... so ravishingly gorgeous that if she happened to appear outside on a dreary day, the sun would straightaway burst forth through the clouds and countless rainbows seemingly filled the sky ... Miss Millie politely and graciously greeted the boys as they were about to pass her by on the walkway "well hello there fellows, how y'all doin' this fine day?" ... awestruck with her dazzling comeliness, and with the fact that Millie had actually spoken to "common folk" such as they, Lamar and Luther just stood there speechless ... Miss Millie then smiled as she began to sashay on up the lane while teasingly suggesting over her shoulder "one of y'all should walk me to my door ... if you had half a mind to ... but only one of you ... it wouldn't be proper to be seen with both ... you just might end up becoming my steady beau!" ... Lamar's first thought--coin toss! ... but when he reached into his britches pocket to fetch out his lucky, three-legged Buffalo, Indian Head nickel, all he found was a few lint balls and a ragged hole in the bottom of that pocket "I cain't find ma lucky nickel Luther" announced a devastated Lamar Beefeater "they's a big ol' hole wore in ma pocket" he woefully added ... a huge grin slowly crept across Luther DooLittle's scraggy face as he enthusiastically dug around in his own pants pocket, produced a bran-new, shiny half-dollar and proudly exclaimed "that's OK Lamar, we'll just use this here fifty-cent-piece that I earned yisterdee a whiteworshin' Virgil Hunnicutt's picket fence" ... before Lamar could offer up any logical protestations Luther flipped that big coin up in the air "Kerpling!" as he declared "call it in the air Lamar Beefeater--heads I win, tails you lose!"