Tuesday, November 30, 2010
It had been quite some time since I last spoke with Henry Beefeater, but I received a call from my ol' friend early this morning ... during the course of our somewhat evocative bout of shameless gossipmongering, Henry reminded me of a regrettable event which occurred a while back involving his only son Lamar Beefeater, along with Lamar's close pal and partner in juvenile rascality Luther DooLittle.
Seems Lamar and Luther had departed on foot on their way to the Mini-Mart in town to pick up a six pack of cold RC Cola, a chunk of longhorn cheese and a biggie bag of plain, salted potater chips ... nearly two hours had passed sans their return, and Henry had begun to get a bit concerned, for the store was barely half a mile away.
Henry was about to go looking for the pair when the phone rang ... on the other end was a frantic Luther DooLittle ... he had called from his new cell phone, and was sobbing, and whining and begging Henry to send help ... Luther explained that he and Lamar were walking down the street when suddenly a dozen or so masked gunmen had kidnapped them, had bound their hands and were holding them against their will in the backseat of a strange vehicle directly in front of the Mini-Mart ... Luther said he feared the men would soon return and whisk them away never to be seen again ... "please, please send help ... and quick!" was Luther's urgent plea.
Henry immediately put Luther on hold and wisely dialed 911 ... the 911 operator patiently listened to Henry's dilemma, at which time he also gave them Luther's cell number in case it should be needed ... the 911 operator in turn relayed the information to the local police dispatcher so officers could be sent to the location ... the dispatcher informed the 911 operator that officers were already in that specific area on another call, so she would divert them forthwith to the Mini-Mart ... the police dispatcher put out the call to any officers in the vicinity to straightaway respond to a "kidnapping in progress" at the Mini-Mart ... luckily a police sergeant happened to be sitting in his patrol car just in front of the mart ... the sergeant requested that the dispatcher relay all pertinent particulars concerning the kidnapping call ... she repeated the information taken moments earlier in which two boys were allegedly kidnapped by masked gunmen, who had bound their hands and were possibly holding them against their will in the backseat of a strange vehicle right in front of the Mini-Mart, the boys were requesting help because they feared the armed men would return at any moment and whisk them away never to be seen again ... the sergeant asked the dispatcher to call the victim's cell number for a possible update on the situation ... a few seconds later the bewildered officer heard the ringing of a phone emanating from his backseat ... after a long pause, the sergeant advised the dispatcher that there had been no kidnapping ... the situation was well under control ... the boys in question were safe ... both nabbed by masked and armed members of the police S.W.A.T. team ... hands bound with cuffs ... sitting in the backseat of his patrol car the entire time ... right in front of the Mini-Mart!
It was later determined that the clueless boys fit the description of two unsavory bandits who had just robbed the liquor store at gun point right around the corner from the Mini-Mart ... overcautious, "masked" S.W.A.T. team members had mistakenly assumed that Luther and Lamar were the obvious larcenists, thus taking them both into custody right on the spot ... the real felons were later caught with loot in hand ... the hapless boys were cleared of all charges, then apologetically released to an extremely angry and exceedingly embarrassed Maude and Henry Beefeater ... however, there definitely was a bit of "home confinement" in store for Lamar Beefeater and his pal Luther DooLittle.