Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Super-D-Luxe Sweeper Salesman ...


Last Saturday morning, Grandma DooLittle heard a loud rap at her front door and upon opening found a very enthusiastic vacuum cleaner salesman with a tantalizing offer that no sedulous homemaker could refuse ... if permitted to demonstrate the power and efficiency of his Super-D-Luxe cleaning machine on Grandma DooLittle's floor, for her trouble she would be presented with a bottle of Super-D-Luxe window cleaner free of charge upon completion, whether or not she purchased a new vacuum ... Grandma grabbed the bottle of window cleaner from the salesman's hand and invited him right in ... "where would you like to begin, the whole house needs a good cleanin'?"  she anxiously uttered ... encouraged by the spirit of her immediate response the excited roadman replied "good to hear Madam, but you see, I don't clean your house, I merely carry with me a small container replete with dirt and dust of the variety commonly found at similarly inhabited dwellings, I dump that dirt and dust on one's floor, then demonstrate just how quickly and easily this here Super-D-Luxe vacuum cleaner picks it all back up!" ... Grandpa DooLittle had been sitting there in his easy chair feigning sleep while intently listening to the entire exchange between Grandma and the salesman, up until the part about dumping dirt on the floor just to clean it all back up ... upon which Grandpa burst forth in a hail of uncontrollable laughter and exclaimed "well you go right ahead young man, let's see what that thing can do ... we just might want to buy one!"

Grandma DooLittle was a bit taken aback as the now emboldened pitchman emptied a jarful of grit and grime onto her beloved oriental rug which covered most of the living room floor, plugged the Super-D-Luxe machine's cord into the wall, turned on the shiny, mechanical marvel of modern engineering and commenced to vacuum that pile of dirt from the expensive rug ... just three seconds later all that dirt had been completely sucked up by the amazing contraption ... "how that?" the proud salesman cried ... "not bad" Grandpa declared, "but you might as well go ahead and do the whole rug while you're at it" ... "go get the checkbook Grandma!" he added ... the salesman hurriedly cleaned the rest of the big rug, turned off the machine and asked ... "I take it we have a sale Mister DooLittle?" ... Grandpa DooLittle cleared his throat and said "not exactly son, can that thing clean hardwood and linoleum floors too?" ... "why yes, there's an attachment included just for that purpose" postulated the salesman ... "well show us then" demanded Grandma as she handed the checkbook over to Grandpa ...

Before all was said and done, that Super-D-Luxe vacuum cleaner salesman had demonstrated every available attachment that came with that fabulous machine ... on the hardwood floor in the front room ... on the linoleum floor in the kitchen ... on the tile floor in the bathroom ... on blankets and bedspreads ... on curtains and drapes in all the rooms ... on chair covers and furniture ... on the shag carpets in all the bedrooms ... on the indoor/outdoor carpet on the patio ... on the wooden deck out back ... in the closets ... on the cement floor in the basement ... on the floorboard of Grandpa's old farm truck ... and on the fleas on the back of ol' Leon the Redbone coonhound ... when there was nothing else left to demonstrate on, the nearly exhausted salesman swiped the sweat from his brow and proclaimed "I reckon we've got us a sale for sure now!" ... Grandpa stuffed the checkbook into his shirt pocket and replied "not exactly Mister Super-D-Luxe man, I reckon we don't need any new sweeper today ... the whole place is as clean as a bandmaster's whistle ... but you're more than welcome to come back next week and try again!" 


--sja

23 comments:

Nikki said...

Love it!!!

sja said...

Thanks Nikki ...

BOB said...

It is kinda funny ... heehee!

4 bags!

That's how they did it, I can attest to that!

sja said...

Full! ... Mister Bob!

Marjorie said...

LOL Great story. I've experienced this type of sales pitch as well. Except, I wasn't as smart as grandpa!

sja said...

It's hard to get over on Grandma & Grandpa DooLittle!

BOB said...

Hugh Lofting wrote about Grandpa's British cousin John, methinks ...

In one of my magic moments posts in the old barbershop, I related how I partially unplugged the salesman's machine while the was busy pouring his dirt on Mama's prized rug ... like I said, we thought he was going to cry!

Speaking of Magic Moments, the home brewed draft you sent was superior ... though I added just a bit of stuff to make it smoother, 'bout a teaspoon per liter. It's more than a body should drink in one sitting, so I'm out in the LMM area of the shop working on the first half and will save the rest for later!

There's plenty for us both, stop by if you can ...

Laraine Eddington said...

Great story, well told.

sja said...

Thank you Laraine ...

FishHawk said...

"TheSouthernJackAss" has been included in this weeks Sites To See. I hope you like the image I featured, and I hope this helps to attract many new visitors here.

http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2010/04/sites-to-see_23.html

sja said...

Thank you much FishHawk ... I really like your site ... it allows readers an opportunity to judge for themselves the respective merits of each site or blog that you have included ...

I have placed a link to AsTheCrackerheadCrumbles in my sidebar, and encourage my readers to visit your site ... thanks again ... return often!

sja said...

... and FishHawk, I really like the photo used for TheSouthernJackAss, it has been often used as my main image for quite some time, thanks!

FishHawk said...

I really appreciate that, and I have returned the favor by placing a permanent link to here under "Places of Interest" on my sidebar.

Maggie S said...

Exactly.

sja said...

Good to see you again Maggie ...

nothingprofound said...

I actually went to a training session once to become a vacuum cleaner salesman. I was 18, it was summer, and I was looking to make a little cash. The session consisted mainly of teaching novices like us aggressive tactics to get your foot in the prospective customer's door and dupe them into buying the dumb product. It was hilarious, with demonstrations given in the form of skits by the senior salesmen. Basically, it was guerrilla warfare on the public. So it was very gratifying to see grandpa give the salesman his comeuppance in your story.

sja said...

Thanks Nothingprofound ... ol' Grandpa & Grandma DooLittle truly are master manipulators!

Maggie Thornton said...

You are a marvelous storyteller, sja. I almost feel sorry for that salesman.

sja said...

Thank you Maggie ... I think everybody felt sorry for that sweeper salesman ... everybody except the DooLittles!

Mary said...

love the story, although I dont feel sorry for the salesman, did he not see it??? lol but love the wittiness of the DooLittles!

sja said...

Yes Mary, those DooLittles don't realize how witty they are!

Angie said...

Stopped by, you're in my blog frog community. interesting blog. Def something different

sja said...

Angie ... come again ...