Friday, October 9, 2009

"The Greatest Show On Earth!" ...


I ran into my lifelong pal Henry Beefeater who was accompanied by his delightful wife Maude over at the local Piggly Wiggly ... they were recounting an incredible story pertaining to another of their mutual son Lamar's more temerarious misadventures ... so, I will now undertake to convey to you said narrative for your likely edutainment and reading pleasure, verbatim ... seems as if Lamar and a small contingent of his most trustable friends had gone to take in Barnum & Bailey's "Greatest Show on Earth" under the marvellous, red & white "big top" which had been set up earlier that day in the center of town square ... as the boys were unknowingly standing there wide-eyed in a mixture of straw, sawdust and elephant droppings, obviously enthralled with various beasts which were obediently doing stunts under the watchful eyes of their handlers, and as talented circus performers did their amazing acts, an extremely spiffy, well-dressed ringmaster walked right up to ol' Lamar and offered him a job with the circus ... Lamar eagerly accepted, then anxiously enquired as to exactly what it was that had influenced Barnum & Bailey to make such a sudden and generous offer to an inexperient novice such as he ... the spiffy, well-groomed master of ceremonies explained to Lamar that he had been curiously observing him since he and his merry band of cohorts had first sauntered into the tent, and as a result of those astute observations , he was certain that the lanky lad would be an absolute natural for circus work ... Lamar then enquired as to suitable fashion and attire required for the job ... the distinguished gentleman informed him that the exact clothing he was wearing at that moment was ideally befitting of the task at hand, and that Lamar could begin work immediately, the only thing he had to do was walk around and simply be himself ... he could chat with folks ... entertain the children ... pet the animals ... and play with all the circus equipment.

Lamar was beside himself with excitement, and could hardly believe that anyone would actually pay him to just walk around and "simply be himself!" ... without hesitation, Lamar enthusiastically proceeded out into the middle of the huge, bustling ring amid the skilled acrobats, hoopers, tightrope walkers, jugglers, clowns and trapeze acts, and anon began trying out the circus equipment, wildly riding a clangorous motor scooter in tight circles near the edge of the big oval ... then he did the same with a tiny bicycle ... then, although unsuccessful and a bit humorous, he attempted to mount a tall unicycle ... moving rapidly along while bouncing an enormous beach ball ... then hopping on a pogo stick ... and finally, he and a very polite chimpanzee had grand fun together on a squeaky teeter-totter ... then Lamar commenced to pet the animals, such as musical donkeys, zebras and spirited horses ... geese, ducks, roosters and other funny looking birds ... tremendous elephants ... weird looking apes and monkeys ... frogs, dogs, lions, tigers, bears and a pair of what appeared to be black panthers ... a couple of the monkeys tried to bite him, but he never gave those big cats equal opportunity.

All circus goers seemed to really enjoy watching Lamar just walk around while having so much fun, and would laugh and carry on right along with him ... consequently, he ran right up amongst the crowd and quickly made a whole bunch of new friends ... and all the little kids especially enjoyed Lamar's company, and would laugh and chuckle 'till nearly breathless ... eventually, Lamar practically tuckered himself out on his first day of work, and was more than a little glad and relieved when it finally drew to a conclusion and all the nice folks had gone.

Then it struck Lamar ... during the excitement of landing his new career, he had forgotten to ask that nice ringmaster just what his pay would be ... so he located the fellow and enquired as to what his wages were for that day's work ... the stately, old ringmaster cast his sparkling eyes directly at an exhausted Lamar, and with a wry simper replied, "Well, I don't know what sort of wages you are expecting young man ... but it certainly won't be a cent more than our other 'CLOWNS' are paid!"


--sja

5 comments:

BOB said...

Another one of me favorites!

BOB said...

But, you knew that already!

nothingprofound said...

Enjoy your crackerbarrel wit!

sja said...

Thanks nothingprofound - good to know folks are looking in ...

Anonymous said...

ALTHOUGH BOB THINKS THAT YOU'VE
SOMEHOW PAID ME TO COMPLIMENT YOUR
STYLISH WIT, THIS THOUGHT IS HOWEVER UNTRUE. THESE COMPLIMENTS
COME FROM MERE OBSERVATION. I HAVE ENTHUSIASTICALLY ENJOYED EVERY WORD
THAT HAS BEEN SO CAREFULLY WRITTEN
BY OUR BELOVED SOUTHERN JACKASS.