Monday, July 19, 2010

Double Trouble ...


Bertram and Bernard "Butch & Barry" Sedgewick were close brothers who lived in a ramshackle house at the outskirts of town right beside of the main road ... identical twins as a matter of fact ... more notably they were inveterate, overgrown bullies, neither of which had ever been made to sip from the bracing ladle of correction ... "Double Trouble" as they were so abominably referred to ... certainly an infamously  fearsome pair  ... upon hearing their names one would suppose Butch to be the more dominant offender, being that the very mention of the name "Butch" often conjures up images associated with extremely boorish or domineering fellows, especially those found in books or on TV ... however in this case Barry was the alpha bully and chief contriver of most of the wretched duo's egregious, strong-armed rascality ... their normal, daily routine of terror was to loiter around town until some unwitting prospect crossed their path ... the odious team would then stalk their "prey" somewhat akin to lions converging on a hapless gazelle ... then gorge themselves on the unfortunate victim's sudden paralytic hysteria!

Now the Sedgewick brother's favorite quarry were none other than Lamar Beefeater and Luther DooLittle, who were both easy marks ... it seemed as though each time Lamar and Luther were required to travel into town for whatever reason they were obliged to contend with "Double Trouble" ... upon their initial meeting and introduction, the Sedgewick boys had bushwhacked Lamar and Luther as they exited the general store with a sack containing Luther's mama's grocery order ... "what's in the bag?" demanded Barry Sedgewick ... "just my mama's groceries" Luther sheepishly replied ... "dump 'er all out on the ground then run fer yer lives!" Butch sternly commanded ... "er take a whoopin'!" he added with a confident smirk ... Luther dumped his mama's groceries right there on the street then he and Lamar took Butch Sedgewick's advice and took off running like a pair of wild horses ... "Double Trouble" just stood there guffawing like ridiculous fools until Lamar and Luther were clean out of sight ... when the coast was clear Luther had to sneak back and gather up his mama's foodstuff because she was more likely to inflict severe bodily harm far worse than that of the Sedgewick brothers had he returned home without her goods ... on another occasion the boys were again waylayed by Butch and Barry as Lamar was forced to dump half a sack of sweet feed meant for the "Shakespearian Mule" onto the middle of the road "er take a whoopin'!" 

On this particular day, Lamar and Luther were once again ambushed by "Double Trouble" as they walked up the street from the feed mill carrying a large burlap sack tied at the top with a piece of nylon rope ... "what you got in that sack boy?" Butch intimidatingly enquired ... "nothing that would interest you fellers" insisted Lamar ... that response produced the desired affect as Barry Sedgewick's curiosity got the best of him "hand 'er over and run ... er take a whoopin'!" was his command ... "gladly!" announced Luther DooLittle as he surrendered the large yet suspiciously lightweight bag into the eagerly outstretched arms of Butch Sedgewick ... then Lamar and Luther took off running like rabid hyenas laughing at the tops of their lungs the whole way ... Butch and Barry just stood there staring at each other in dismay at the unusual reaction put forth by what should have been an exceedingly disappointed and terrorized Lamar and Luther ... "oh well, open er up and dump er out Butch" ordered the now impatient Barry ... Butch slowly undid the loose knot in the nylon rope and pulled the top of that sack wide open as he grasped its bottom then dumped the contents out onto the ground ... Lamar Beefeater and Luther DooLittle heard the sound of high-pitched screams from nearly a block away as they listened intently from behind Birdie Mae Poteet's rose bushes ... Butch and Barry then sped right past them as they headed on toward the river in hopes of diving in to escape the thousands of angry white-faced hornets bringing up the rear ... the brother's harrowing howls grew a bit more shrill each time one of those Vespula maculatas made contact ... from that day forth Lamar Beefeater and Luther DooLittle didn't have to concern themselves with any further onslaughts of hostility from Bertram and Bernard Sedgewick ... I reckon all those agonizing, well-placed bee stings had made them immune to it!


--sja

14 comments:

BOB said...

Kudos!

It's hard to imagine them boys having such gumption and pluck ... the magic stuff from which men are made, methinks! A well painted canvas of multiple poignant images ... poor Luther sneaking back into town ... priceless!

sja said...

Well Bob ... Luther figured it to be far less the health risk to chance another encounter with the Sedgewick brothers rather his mama sans her groceries!

PJ said...

Hi SJA! Thanks for stopping by my blog. I wish I had been brave enough to do something like that when I used to get picked on in school. The one time I tried to fight back, I was the one who got in trouble when they went to the principal! Lucky Me!

God Bless!

PJ

CherylT said...

I'm sorry comments were disabled on the article before this one. I wanted to let you know you should definitely continue. I really like your blog and kinda like it when you post video and write about America, or Americana.

sja said...

Always fight back PJ!

sja said...

Thank you CherylT ... I didn't realize that comments had been disbled ... however they are now permitted on all posts ... I'll try to sneak more patriotic pieces in from time to time too ...

Dr. James said...

You are a great and prolific writer.

sja said...

Thank you Dr. James ... you're far too kind ... I'm just glad folks get a bit of enjoyment from my stories ... thanks for stopping by!

BOB said...

I understand and know the feeling! Still, I stand pat ... it took a lot of gumption and pluck!

Most of the Lamar and Luther misadventures have me shaking my head ... I see a lot of Master Finn in that Doolittle boy ... and maybe a little of me! They're usually subject to the same fate as those of Wile E. Coyote ... total disaster, by his own hand!

We've come to know that in advance, which is part of the attraction ...

Well, sometimes aided and abetted by old Uncle Virgil, under whose invisible guidance, direction and watchful eye, we know somehow they'll turn out fine, better than Lester anyways. An almost deaf and well-nigh blind centenarian that sees all, hears all, knows all ... and has done it all too ... the boys are lucky to be in such good hands. Lester? Yes, I do remember Lester Doolittle though our glimpse of him was brief ... Luther's older, good natured, hapless ne'er–do–well cousin ... good friend and role model for Lamar too ... thought I'd forgot ... but who could forget Lester the Leviathan ... suffered a fate worse than death, according to Lamar ... and a hard lesson learned, methinks!

Kindred spirits; Lamar, Luther and me ... and it felt good to best them bullies!

Critiquing your canvases is always fraught with peril ... even when it's at your behest ... it's easy to forget that while you're almost deaf and well-nigh blind, you're still shod with 17EEEEs ... but then, I'm a crazy person!

Both B & B bullies been bested by bees, boasted br'er Beefeater ... beautiful!

Mama and Mamie shared the same starch, methinks ...she was but five foot two and 99 pounds, well, at least until her sixties when she balooned to 114 ... but I learned at a rather young age not to mess with Mama ... being the first grandchild on both sides of the family, I was spoiled rotten ... or so I'm told ... but you can bet the farm that it wasn't from the rod having been spared!

Mama was special ... extra special ... on visits back home, she was still tucking me in at night when I was 65 years old. I guess we were a lot like the Waltons ... good night Mama ... good night Son ... love you ... love you too. Vestiges of my Mama, how I do miss her so!

Actually, I never had much trouble with bullies ... just one, and we became good friends after our first encounter. Friends have a different recollection of my schooldays than do I ... seems I spent considerable time in the Principal's Office ... and staying after school for my antics, or at least so they say.

You want good, sincere honest feedback ... my guess is that your best hope is ... Deputy Cletus VanMeter! He'll tell you like it is, even when it isn't ... his may not be the brightest candle in the window but he shoots straight and his vote ain't for sale neither.

BOB said...

That stirred my juices ... just one more tome inspired by Roll Call ... with advance apologies for the lenth of both.

We laugh at your wonderful stories and indeed it's important that we so do ... so it's a danged good thing they're funny! I'm no near genius ... only near deaf and well-nigh blind, but I do believe your stories foster introspection which heightens our awareness that we're really laughing at ourselves. That in turn breaks down our defensive barriers, allowing common ground to be found and positive change to be effected. The fact that I sometimes stay at the Holiday Inn Express has nothing to do with it, neither ...

It's just that from this old man's perspective, the world has turned completely upside down during my lifetime ... my values are generally considered arcane, not because they're secret but because they're so old fashioned as to be thought archaic and no longer shared or understood, save a select few. I know little but truly believe that our values aren't meant to change so radically is such a short time ... that the truly enlightened ones aren't those who are making the most noise and providing our direction. I believe this because truth is truth and it doesn't change ... well, not quickly anyway ... the wisdom, values and truths articulated by the Greek slave Aesop over 2,500 years ago are alive and well ... as are those, almost as old, of Plato, his friends and those of his Academy ... and of course the teachings and stories of Jesus Christ from some 2,000 years ago. The list is long, the names may change ... indeed they must for our time to strut and fret upon the stage is limited to but an hour ... but the wisdom, values and truths haven't, no, not really.

We each have our own list ... I never tire of Hans Christian Andersen, William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, Benjamin Franklin, Sam Clemens, the brothers Grimm, Jonathan Swift, Abraham Lincoln or Joel Chandler Harris ... each in their own way bespeaking the same underlying wisdom, values and truths ... well, to me they do.

I got most of my values from my Mama, my Daddy ... and theirs but I suspect they aren't that different from many, regardless of what the enlightened ones think. Not that much different from René Descartes, Edmund Burke, John Adams, Alexander Hamilton, Teddy Roosevelt and Ronald Reagan ... common to all is honor and a belief in God ... well, at least I like that for which my Miss Carol told me they seemed to stand ... I don't read much, but boy she sure did ... understood and remembered too!. This upside down thing really has me concerned but it's not really new ... guess it's like wars and bad pennies ... it seems to happen every time we abandon God and forget these values and truths that have become arcane, no longer self evident.

I had about given up hope when along came John, big bad John, an all but deaf and well-nigh blind jackass, a descendant of Polonius thought by some to be a leopard, methinks ... with his grand stories, embodying the same forgotten wisdom, values and truths.

I long ago added you to my list ... truly your stories are to be enjoyed and hopefully we will inspired by them, by Luther's gumption, pluck ... and yes, courage ... inspired to pull our own down from the attic, dust them off and make a concerted effort to shed our apathy and return the rock to its proper axis.

If we don't, I fear that those with different values will soon assume Uncle Virgil's role as mentor to Luther and Lamar, leaving nobody to stand up to them B & B Boys!

sja said...

Thanks Bob, great comments ... sincere too ... I see you've been dusting off the archives too!

Gardeen said...

Loved reading - as usual. My facebook friends like them too

sja said...

I appreciate you and all your Facebook friends Gardeen ... thank you!

Marla said...

You really need to write a book. Seriously...