Sunday, August 1, 2010

Dancin' With The Devil! ...


Grandpa and Grandma DooLittle had just finished eating supper, so while Grandma was busy cleaning up the mess, Grandpa decided to ease on out to the barn and "sample" a bit of his homemade, hard apple cider that he kept hidden between a big pile of straw and stacks of baled hay ... he found one of his jugs, removed the cork and drizzled a stream of the delicious concoction onto his eager taste buds and down his gullet ... "across my teeth and past my gums, look out belly here it comes!" ... oh that stuff was good, and the more he "sampled" it the better it tasted, no sense stopping now ... so before Grandpa realized it, he was starting to feel his oats ... his ears began to ring ... his face heated up, and sweat began popping out all over his body 'till his clothes were drenched ... his eyes got blurry and his head went "round the bend" ... so he corked up his jug and sat down for a little spell.

The next thing Grandpa knew, an enormous, dark figure stood before him as pitch black as midnight at the height of a new moon ... his sinister eyes glowing like hot coals in a raging blast furnace ... long, pointed tail ... sharp, curved horns protruding from his wrinkled forehead ... a sizzling poker in one hand, a four-pronged pitchfork in the other ... when he spoke, a thick vapor of vile smoke spewed into the evening air ... "Old man! ... Old man!! ... why are you drinking from my jug?" ... poor ol' Grandpa DooLittle was nearly speechless, but managed to ask the beast his name ... "Why I'm Lucifer! ... and you've been sipping from my jug ... you owe me old man ... and now you must pay!" ... "but how?" begged Grandpa as the Devil roared in hideous laughter ... "Why you'll dance with me old man, you'll barn dance ...and if you don't dance, and dance well ... you'll go with me, you'll go with me back to Hell! ... now rise to your feet and follow along!"

Grandpa slowly stood up and began to dance as best he could, and as Lucifer called out the dance he took turns poking the piteous, old drunkard in the gut with that blistering poker and cracking him over the head with the pitchfork handle ... "dance old man ... faster, dance faster ... if you want to avoid your fate, get yourself straight ... better not wait, best not be late ...swing your partner, swing me hard ... allemande left in your own barnyard ... right and left all around that hay ... meet your partner, meet me halfway ... keep on dancin' 'till the break of day ... swing that jug way up high,swing that jug way down low ... now turn that jug loose, and I'll let you go! ... now you're straight ... you're free to go and do-si-do ... stay out of my jug ... if you want to stay out of my Hell! ... Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa!!!"
Grandpa DooLittle woke up lying face down in the middle of that big heap of straw shaking all over like a leaf in a wind storm, still clutching his now empty cider jug in his trembling hand ... his head was throbbing something awful, and his stomach burned like fire ... he sat up and looked all around, then cautiously called out "Lucifer ... where are you Lucifer?" ... but there was no reply ... nobody else was there ... just Bessie the milk cow chewing her cud as she stared at him in a state of wonderment ... as soon as Grandpa was certain Satan had gone, he sprang to his feet, slammed that jug against his big iron anvil shattering it to pieces, then ran like a scalded rabbit toward the house ... by this time Grandma DooLittle had gone to bed, knowing that Grandpa was most likely outside sipping on those spirits ... he tried to sneak into the bedroom, but Grandma was wide awake and waiting for him as usual ... "where've you been old man, you've been gone for hours?" she inquired ... "oh, I just went for a walk out by the barn, that good supper made be sleepy, so I took me a nap in the hay" he said ... Grandma knew all the while where he'd been and what he'd been doing and so replied "Sure you did! ... but if you don't quit your lying, and stop drinking that cider ... one day you'll end up dancin' with the Devil!"



--sja

29 comments:

askcherlock said...

Well, if Grandpa hadn't learned it before then, he surely found out what everyone knows: Grandma's always right!

sja said...

You might say that fact was seared into Grandpa's mind ... thank you for reading ...

BOB said...

truth is truth

Jack Squat said...

Serves that old man right, he used to feed me rotten carrots

Dave "Loose Cannon" Wills said...

Lol. Imagine Grandpa doing the jig and two-step with the bottle in his hand. Hilarious!

sja said...

Welcome to the blog Dave -- Grandpa dancing for the Devil reminds me of the old westerns where the villain would shoot at some unfortunate fellow's feet to make him dance ... thank you for the visit and the comment -- and thank you for that great rating ... I'm glad you enjoyed it ... visit often ...

Fiter_Blogger said...

That good information..
i like that, but That all about devil???
^_^v

Anonymous said...

OKAY,SJA, YOU'VE IMPRESSED MY YET
AGAIN WITH YOUR STORIES. ALTHOUGH THE PICTURES DID SCARE ME A BIT.
SJA...SHOULD I REVEAL MY IDENTITY TO BOB?

TheSouthernJackAss said...

No Fiter_Blogger, the story is more about the consequences of Grandpa DooLittle's overindulgence in the hard cider and other alcoholic spirits ... thanks for reading, appreciate your comments too ... visit often ...

TheSouthernJackAss said...

Anonymous, I think Bob may have just wanted you to come up with a username so he can distinguish between you and other anonymous visitors ...

TheSouthernJackAss said...

Anonymously of course ...

BOB said...

Thanks Anonymous ... that's neat, I'm a member of that same club!

BARBARA said...

SJA,
THANKYOU SO VERY MUCH FOR THE MUCH TAMER LUCIFER. I STILL LOVE YOUR STORIES, THEY REALLY HIT HOME. YOU ARE, WITHOUT A DOUBT,BRILLIANT.

sja said...

Lucifer is still just as evil and deceptive as ever ... especially when appearing as an angel of life ...

sja said...

Please forgive the previous comments ... this is a re-post ... feel free to add your comments if you like ...

BOB said...

There you go apologizing for me again!

However, as I said then, truth is truth and truth is, "Dancin' with the Devil is vintage SJA methinks ... another hard lesson learned for some ... never learned by many ... and yet another truth from the ever delightful Cherlock ... Grandma is always right!

Good too, to once again see those comments from Miss Barbara, the loose cannon, and your yankee cousin, ... from Chicago as memory serves.

Joan said...

Well, danged sja! (I am allowed to use the word danged, aren’t I? I’ve noticed your Scottish Jackass cousin uses it in his comments.) You deleted my comment from 7/31/10 and I cannot thank you enough. Actually, after submitting that comment I had second thoughts about it and wished I had not submitted it. So thank you so much for having the good donkey sense to delete it. At least one of us was using good judgment. I have to remember that although I am talking to a Southern JackAss, you are very much a Southern gentlemen.

sja said...

"Danged" is about as strong as it gets ...

BOB said...

Danged!

BOB said...

Pardon this lenghty topic interruption, honorable donkey ... delete it at your discretion, but amazingly, the Shop has been getting some traffic as of late, just a wee bit ... mostly because of your adding its current address to your links' list, methinks.

As you know, since Miss Carol's passing, ... the Shop, like Mister Bobby, has fallen into disrepair so folks what dare visit, so do at their own risk!

The old place was lost due to back taxes while I was asleep at the switch ... and the replacement replica was never properly set up, laying in abeyance since its creation, sans the annual revival of your "Sound Of Freedom" in time for the July 4th Celebration.

Well, given the recent traffic and all ... and in return for a free haircut plus one of Maude's pies, Cletus VanMeter volunteered to help me to hook things up this afternoon ... better to just say we tried!

No new stories or reports but at least the lights are back on so folks can visit without worrying about stepping on rusty nails or getting lost ... hope so anyways!

Even Joe paid us a visit ... well, visited the Shop's General Discussion Area to be exact ... the first one since Jimmy Smith's last, back in May ... said he was just passing through ... poor Joe!

Actually, Joe, if you read this ... know that you're always welcome!

I'll try to keep you posted ... and let you know when it's worthy of being officially back open to the general public. Some features will be deleted while maybe one or two will be added.

Newcommers are always welcome to visit and get an idea of what the shop was once about ... and hopefully soon again will be.

sja said...

Well Bob, as soon as you get that candle lit ... we'll all be there to keep it burning!

The Scottish Jackass said...

Well, tell Bob that the candy turned out great ... at least I think it did, everyone had to have a piece and left none for me.

I tried to visit the old barbershop web site and tell him myself but it's now something different ... appears to be under new management.

You boys get tired of cutting hair or just lose your set of barbering bowls?

Pam said...

Gradmas ALWAYS know best. :) Pam @ Sallygoodin

sja said...

Thank you for reading Pam ...

Teresa said...

Love it, my grandma used to say things like that. Funny!!

sja said...

Thanks again Teresa!

Gardeen said...

Glad to be back reading . Such a great story teller!

sja said...

Good to see you back Gardeen!

Marla said...

Good one, indeed!