Fowl Mouth ...

Following the disastrous case of mistaken identity involving Uncle Virgil Hunnicutt and Aunt Birdie Mae Poteet, Uncle Virgil decided upon acquiring new "spectacles" and "ear trumpets" in order to improve his quality of communication with individuals encountered on a daily basis ... Uncle Virgil reckoned that spectacles were more urgently needed than ear trumpets, so he hired Luther DooLittle to drive him down to the shopping mall/medical office plaza to visit an ophthalmologist ... an appointment with an otologist had been set up for the next day ... upon arrival the eye doctor placed some kind of drops in Virgil's eyes to dilate them, then proceeded with the examination ... after the exam had concluded, Virgil's eyesight was temporarily worse than usual, those eye-drops had turned what little vision he had as blurry as if someone had doused his eyes with lye soap ... well there was still about thirty minutes left to kill before Luther DooLittle was due to return and take Virgil back home, so Virgil figured he would go to the big pet store located adjacent to the doctor's office and pick up a bag of much needed cat litter.

As Uncle Virgil blindly stumbled into the mammoth store, all the employees, each dressed in bright red vests, greeted the old man while kindly offering their assistance ... Virgil had done business with the establishment since its opening and knew as well as any store employee where things were located, especially the cat supplies, so he politely declined their offers to help and headed toward the cat litter section ... before he walked away, one of the cashiers informed Virgil that a new manager had transferred to the store, and that he would be proud to meet one of the franchise's most long-standing and loyal customers ... Virgil assured the young lady that he would introduce himself to the fellow before leaving ... she added that the manager would be standing near the bird cages ... Virgil nodded and meandered on down the aisle grasping displays and shelves to guide his way.

Now the ambitious, up-and-coming young manager had purchased a big, red parrot at his previous place of employment just before the promotion and transfer to this store, and he had brought the bird to work with him to show it off and possibly encourage customers to purchase one of the store's many parrots now in stock ... but this particular parrot could talk ... as a matter of fact, this parrot could talk so well that at times it sounded almost human ... unfortunately, this parrot was also prone to spew rough insults and enter into rude fustians if left alone, so the cautious manager made sure he stayed close to the bird ... until he had to visit the restroom that is.

Uncle Virgil had just retrieved a bag of cat litter, tucked it under his arm and was attempting to grope his way toward the bird cages with the intention of meeting the new store manager when all of a sudden "are you going to pay for that old man?" cracked a loud, stern voice seemingly out of nowhere ... "are you talking to me?" replied Virgil as he glanced toward the direction the raspy voice seemed to be emanating from, but seeing only a big, red blur ... "yes thief, I am talking to you! ... drop that merchandise and empty your pockets!" demanded the parrot ... "why I never! ... just who do you think you are? ... I demand to speak to the manager!" rumbled Virgil ... "are you blind you ol' coot?" ... "I am the manager!!" squawked the obnoxious bird ... at which Uncle Virgil had heard enough ... he tossed that sack of cat litter onto the floor and headed toward the exit ... "did you have the pleasure of meeting our wonderful, new store manager Mister Hunnicutt?" enquired the cashier ... infuriated, Virgil exclaimed as he stormed out the door "as long as that fowl-mouthed feller is employed here I'll take my business elsewhere! ... and so will my cat!!"


--sja