Cardio Possum Resuscitation ...

Police recently charged a Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen trying to resuscitate a dead opossum along a highway ... the flattened possum had been lying there dead in the road for at least three days ... unfortunately, in spite of his best efforts, the drunk was unsuccessful in his attempt to revive the noble critter ... however, this is not the first time that something similar to this incident has occurred.

Several years ago, Lamar Beefeater, Henry Beefeater's boy, and Lamar's best friend Luther DooLittle swapped a Wilson basketball and a Murray riding mower for a well-used motor scooter ... the boys tinkered with that piece of junk until they got it to run, and run it did ... they would both climb on the two-wheeled rattletrap and ride it up and down DooLittle Hollar until way after dark alternating between driver and passenger ... Henry Beefeater would eventually have to threaten bodily harm to get them to park it and go to bed each night ... this great fun went on for days without incident, until one pitch-black night as the boys were making one of their countless passes down the slippery, gravel byway ... Lamar happened to be driving while Luther was hanging on behind as passenger when all of a sudden there was a hard thump, several airborne cartwheels, some sparks and that motor scooter along with both riders went tumbling end over end right down the center of that rough, jagged lane ... when everything and everybody stopped rolling, ol' Lamar found himself sitting there in the silent darkness in the middle of the road unable to see anything because the lone headlight on the scooter had also been smashed in the crash.

Well Lamar started frantically screaming and calling out for his pal Luther DooLittle, but to no avail, Luther was nowhere to be found and not answering ... Lamar figured Luther was likely seriously injured or maybe rendered unconscious, or that he had possibly perished in the wreck ... but even though Lamar was nearly torn to shreds and bleeding from head to toe, he had to help his friend, so he started crawling on all fours in the darkness groping around in all directions in hopes of locating poor Luther, all the while sharp rocks and gravels adding insult to his already stinging injuries with each movement ... after a couple minutes of this seemingly fruitless endeavor, Lamar found the broken, motionless body ... he checked for breathing and a heartbeat but found neither ... fortunately Lamar's Boy Scout training kicked in as he cleared the airway, cupped his mouth over the victim's mouth and gave a few puffs, then shifted his position so as to begin chest compressions ... it was certainly a critical situation ... Lamar was extremely proficient in his technique, but it didn't seem to be doing much good ... after several minutes of performing flawless CPR the lad was nearing a state of futility and complete exhaustion ... to make matters worse, ol' Luther sure had some bad breath, along with a severe case of gingivitis!

About that time Lamar heard a familiar voice calling his name, it sounded somewhat like Luther's scratchy voice, he thought he must be going into shock or maybe losing his mind, then he heard it again, louder this time ... he looked up and saw flashlights rapidly approaching ... "Lamar, are you alright Lamar?" ... "where are you Lamar?" ... just then there stood Luther and Lamar's daddy Henry shining their lights on him lying there in the road ... "you alright Lamar, I was afraid you might be dead?" ... Lamar looked up at Luther and his daddy standing there over him and said "no Luther, when I finally found you, you didn't have no pulse and you wasn't breathing, I thought you was a goner for sure, so I've been givin' you CPR for a long time now, but it didn't seem to be doin' any good!" ... "but it did, you've revived, you're alive!!!" ... Luther was more than a bit puzzled to say the least, so he began to explain to Lamar how he had been thrown clear from the wreck when they struck that enormous possum, and how he had luckily landed on a big, soft clump of grass ... he reckoned Lamar was probably hurt real bad, so he had ran to Henry Beefeater's place to call 911 and summon help thinking that was the best thing to do under these trying circumstances ... by this time the fire department, an ambulance, Sheriff Clarence A.VanMeter, Deputy Sheriff Cletus A. VanMeter, a local news reporter and most of the town's folks had converged on and surrounded the tragic scene, just as Lamar Beefeater asked the question -- "what possum?" ... with a chuckle Luther DooLittle answered ... "that big, ol' dead marsupial lying right there beside of you!"


--sja