Saturday, February 12, 2011
Blind Love ...
I reckon most of you are familiar with Aunt Birdie Mae Poteet and the Widow Clarabelle VanMeter, Sheriff Clarence A. VanMeter's mama ... both of which were getting up in years, so shortly after Clarabelle VanMeter's beloved husband Cleaver got killed by a stray bolt of lightning, Clarabelle and Birdie Mae had moved out of their respective homes and relocated to one of those modern duplex apartments ... Birdie Mae in the left-hand unit ... Clarabelle in the right ... adjacent ... door to door ... mainly for convenience and practicality ... but more importantly so they could live side by side while still maintaining a shade of privacy and independence ... especially in the case of the Widow Clarabelle VanMeter, who had been carrying on a widely-known and longstanding love affair with Uncle Virgil Hunnicutt ever since the untimely death of her husband ... in other words, Clarabelle and Virgil had been sparkin' right well for quite some time.
That particular evening the Widow VanMeter had invited Uncle Virgil Hunnicutt over to her suite for dinner and a movie as a Valentine's Day treat ... she had prepared his favorite meal of chicken and dumplings, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, hominy, homemade bread, churned butter and baked custard topped with fresh, ground nutmeg ... she hadn't yet told Virgil what she was fixin' or what the movie would be, which was also one of his favorites ... 'Gone With The Wind' ... she wanted to surprise him ... in the meantime Uncle Virgil got all dressed up in his finest Sunday-go-to-meetin' suit, polished his wing tipped Florsheim shoes and splashed on a couple handfuls of Old Spice cologne ... Virgil then summoned Lester DooLittle to drive him to the general store for the purpose of acquiring a good-sized Whitman's Sampler and a lovely bouquet of flowers to present to his sweetie ... then they headed toward the duplex ... now Virgil didn't want Lester to drop him off directly in front of the Widow's apartment for fear of drawing the attention of her friend and neighbor Aunt Birdie Mae Poteet ... who was a habitual gossiper ... so Virgil insisted that Lester drop him off at the end of the lane, then he could stroll unobserved up the street right to the Widow's front door.
Now you may also be aware that Uncle Virgil Hunnicutt was rumored to be a near genius, and said to have been well over one hundred years of age ... thus consequently hard of hearing to the degree of being nearly completely deaf, and unfortunately, almost totally blind--maladies which had landed Uncle Virgil Hunnicutt into a passel of hardships on more than a few occasions ... but Uncle Virgil made his way up that street as best he could, turned right at the walkway and approached the front door as quietly as a mouse tiptoeing across a shag rug ... pausing a moment so as to catch his breath, he then confidently rapped on the door ... as it slowly creaked opened a pleasant culinary aroma invaded his nostrils ... the old man quickly brought one hand from behind his back to present his hostess with the box of chocolates while the other hand followed gripping the bouquet of lovely flowers ... he then proudly exclaimed "these goodies are for you my love, may I come in?" as he boldly crossed the threshold entering the flat before his subject of adoration might have a chance to reply ... "how 'bout a big ol' smooch?" insisted Virgil as he stretched out his neck, puckered his lips, closed his eyes and planted a big, wet kiss right solidly on the dear lady's terse lips... then Uncle Virgil added "I sure hope that old battle-axe next door didn't see me come in, she's the worst gossiper in all the land, and a bald-faced liar to boot ... it's none of my business, but I don't know how you put up with her or consider her to be your friend! ... but whatever you do Clarabelle, please never tell ol' Birdie Mae Poteet what I just said!" ... Aunt Birdie Mae Poteet slammed the flowers and candy back into Uncle Virgil Hunnicutt's arms as she forcefully tossed the confused centenarian out the door by his ear! ... Happy Valentine's Day!
Posted by sja at 6:39 PM